Superman vs Rupert Murdoch

I’m still reading DC Comic’s No. 1s. In the first “Superman” in the restarted series, Clark Kent is furious the Daily Planet has been bought by mogul Morgan Edge, owner of the Globe and all sorts of nasty TV and Internet news outlets. Here’s what’s in the speech bubble over Clark’s head as he argues with Lois Lane: “You covered the stories dealing with the Globe’s illegal tactics–wiretaps, extortion, out-and-out lies. Is that the type of newspaper you want the Planet to be? Just another scandal-mongering rag?”

It’s clear to me Rupert needs to do more than sic the “Fox & Friends” crew on Superman. Sure, they can point out his form-fitting costume—what real men wear any sort of costume, really?—and the flouncy red cape and red boots that are worse than Ugg ripoffs. But this demands a greater response, something massive. News Corp. needs to buy Marvel Comics from Disney and start the real war. Bring the Red Hulk pain—no cape or boots there—and Wolverine, who’s got enough anger to fuel an entire Tea Party convention. Plus, Rupert adds the Daily Bugle and all of Tony Stark’s weapons factories into his empire.

As part of the deal, for only a considerable sum, I will throw in my not-so-mint copy of “Superman vs the Amazing Spider-Man.” Back in 1976, it was billed as “The Greatest Superhero Team-Up of all Time!” as well as “The Battle of the Century” (funny how these team ups always meet-cute-fight, then work together).

The war I’m talking about will be one for millenium and won’t have any namby-pamby liberal teaming up halfway through.

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